Another way Walmart saves money!!!

I have been down in the dumps lately- work has been busy, money is tight, and I have spotted a few grays in my precious golden locks. But instead of going to a shrink to help me work out the kinks, I just jump in the car and go to my local Wal-Mart to make myself feel better. I cannot imagine what is costs for a “session” in some professional’s office to help you sort yourself out, but at Wal-Mart its free. (Well, it was 15.67 for the cashews, apple juice, Willie Nelson clearance priced T-Shirt, and a pack of gum) Once again, Wal-Mart has saved a consumer his hard earned pocket change.
The minute you walk in, it’s invigorating. There’s nothing quite like venturing through the automated doors, having the pungent aroma of stale popcorn and hot dogs hit your nostrils, and being greeted by (aka grunted at by) some grizzly, half dead, World War II Vet. No sooner do you walk in, and the therapy is already underway! But the real healing doesn’t start until you see your fellow shoppers. At let me tell you, the people at the Audubon New Jersey Wal-Mart are some morose lookin' folks. I seriously felt a million times better about myself after leaving and I will explain why. First and foremost, it’s not often that I am the best looking person in a building. But also- usually when I go, I wear what I consider my "slumming it" clothes which consist of jeans and a sweatshirt; and yet I am still the finest dressed man in the house. Oh, and even when I haven't showered for the day and it’s late I still smell better than 97% of the other shoppers.
The sights my eyes see in a Wal-Mart put an instant spring to my step and make me realize that I don’t have it nearly as bad as I think! On my last trip, I saw, among other things, a Betty Boop denim jacket, 7,987,598 NASCAR hats, an 883 pound woman in a motorized cart (first time in my life I felt bad for a motor vehicle), and just countless run down, sad, pathetic looking people. Not to mention so many fake weaves and extensions, I was beginning to wonder if any horse in America had any hair left.
Self-medicating- the Wal-Mart way!